Cave in to emotions: Genetics of love from cavemen to your ex

Dear Human Being, 

Fun fact - our body releases interferon when we fall in love, which is usually used by the immune system to fight off foreign invasions.

Have you ever sat starry-eyed, cupping your broken heart and wondering "Why, why in the name of the world, do we, rational animals, need to go through this foul thing called love?" Well, if you have, I got some good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that you are very dramatic. But the good news is, it is a perfectly reasonable thought in a perfectly human condition of a heartbreak.

Love might be the most discussed topic of all time. It is like a glossy prom queen, that everybody wants to be with, but no one really understands the disturbing backstory of her glory that is full of abuse, self-sabotage and daddy issues. So I propose (NOT in a social construct of marriage way) to play therapist and look into the depth of love.

There are many ways to approach the concept of love scientifically - hormonal, cognitive, behavioral, psychological. Today, however, we will look into a less-discussed aspect of love, which is genetic or, otherwise, evolutionary. 

According to a brilliant book "Conditions of love" by John Armstrong they way love is traditionally structured has an evolutionary explanation. Let's get the basics straight - evolution's main goal is to ensure reproduction and to select for individuals with an advantage in survival or reproductive potential.

The hypothesis of evolutionary psychology states that our tendencies of love such as lust and loyalty were beneficial for the humans in the cave age, thus, we are stuck with them now. But why in the world would caveman care if his beloved one cheated on him with another caveman? After all, he cannot key her car to get back at her. To answer this question we need to try to imagine the romantic dynamics in the stone age.

Let's meet our caveman - Robert. He is sixteen but has already earned himself a reputation as the best mamonth hunter and a skilled cook. Now what he needs is an offspring. Evolutionary, Rober's main goal is to spread his semen and father a healthy baby. So all he needs is to inseminate that cavegirl who brushes his body hair every once in a while. But Robert quickly understands that it is not so simple. He cannot babysit and hunt mammoths at the same time! What a dilemma. Thus, his second goal is ensuring that the mother of his child would not abandon his new-born gene carrier and go care for some other baby.

Robert's crush - Polly, is of a different opinion. She is single, ready to mingle, but for her, it is crucial, that the man she chooses as a baby-daddy would not abandon her pregnant. Thus, she is not in a rush to mate with Robert. He seems strong, brave and brings most meat to the cave - everything a girl can want! But what if he leaves her?! She cannot be entirely sure! "Ugh, life is so hard when you are twelve!" says Polly to herself.

Here evolution introduces a gift of love. For Polly, it ensures that Robert, after successfully impregnating her, falls head over heels and stays by her side until mammoth steps on his head one tragic day. Robert experiences lust and then love.

Robert's doubts about Polly are also resolved by the magic of love. One day Polly looks him in the eye and realizes - I love this guy and I won't leave his side! It makes sense to mate with him. She experiences love followed by lust.

Finally, our lovers mate and give birth to healthy cavebaby, who by the way, also has an advantage. His parents, Polly and Robert, had the right characteristics, meaning that when the baby grows up, he will have a reproductive advantage.

No matter how primitive and upsetting this idea is to me, I have to admit, it is quite logical. However, this theory has not been verified by the traditional genetics, a.k.a we haven't found the "loyalty" gene yet (if it does exist my ex must be a mutant strain that tragically lacks this gene).

Secondly, humans are not as simple. Although genetics do play a major role in our personalities, there are equally important players such as epigenetics, which determines which genes would actually be expressed based on the conditions to which we were and are exposed to.

Lastly, we do not live in a cave, hunt mammoth and consider trapping our dinner the greatest pleasure in life. The same way our priorities in love have gone a long way from producing babies to uniting kingdoms to living emotional tornadoes to building lasting partnerships. Love changes together with society. One of the broadest and most unspecific terms, love is something felt by most but drastically different in each and every case.

Maybe we should give up the term "love" to make way for better explanations for our feelings?

Whether or not we are naturally programmed for romantic love is an open-ended question and it might take many more Valentine days before we figure it out. Until then, all we can do is sit and wonder - "what is love?"

P.S. Please do not start singing

Further reading:

John Armstrong "Conditions of love: the philosophy of intimacy"