Perks of Insecurity & Imposter Syndrome: What to expect when you are expecting the worst
Dear Human Being,
For me, I know very well how this voice behaves. It appears at my lowest moments regardless if they are the results of my actions or an unfortunate occurrences. First, it persuades me that it was all my fault. Then it draws a fat black cross over every time I felt confident because deep down I know who I am. Who I REALLY am. It doesn't matter if people care for me - they do it because they think I am someone else, someone much better. It also doesn't matter if my work is going well - it's just a matter of time before everything goes up in flames. But dare I make one mistake, the cards are on the table. "I knew it! I told you," echoes the voice.
Sometimes we tend to believe this voice because it is us speaking. But not us as humans capable of love and happiness but us as pictures frozen in time in those moments when someone unfairly blamed us or told us we weren't worthy or good enough. There might be many of these pictures, but pictures are not alive. They don't get to dictate who we are. They don't get to have a voice.
When it comes to insecurities in a career often a very peculiar phenomenon peaks in. It is called imposter syndrome. Defined as "Internal case of intellectual phoniness", imposter syndrome haunts high achievers all over the world. It feels like all your achievements actually belong to someone else, not the ACTUAL you. Or even worse, all your victories are a masterfully crafted lie, serendipity and have nothing to do with you. No matter how dreadful for self-esteem, it is still rarely considered to torment us. In reality, according to the International Journal of Behavioral Science impostorism affects all genders, wide spectrum of occupations and generally 70% of the world population.
Why is it then if most of us have felt it, that we still keep going back to hiding it and pretending that everything is alright? This topic, however, does not only hold relevance for individuals. Companies, for instance, are suggested to rethink their review policies, recruiting a wider pool of people as reviewers to help employees see the bigger picture. Studies on university students showed that reaching out outside their majors proved to be helpful in realizing that challenges are universal.
As put by Bryan Stewars, a co-author of Impostorism study, "The root of impostorism is thinking that people don't see you as you really are." We are scared of not being liked anymore if people find out who we really are. For starters, that is underestimating how perceptive people actually are. Secondly, it is forgetting how understanding people can be. And finally, it stems from our brain's natural tendency to focus on negative aspects of ourselves rather than the positive. Having evolved to protect us from harm, the brain is not exactly optimistic - it stacks up all the positivity like Chrismas gifts and hides them in the attic, leaving a pile of dirty dishes instead. For cavemen, this skill was a superpower - expecting to be attacked left them ready to fight away that tiger hiding in the grass. Now that tiger is a fleeting critical comment made by the boss or the significant other that keeps us up at night. But biology is not exclusive for you, dear human being. It works for all members of our outrageously interesting species, meaning one thing - You are not alone.
How hard can accepting yourself be?
P.S. I find it amusing how we wear masks because we are scared that people only like us for the mask that they don't actually see.